I believe in life everything is earned. I've earned a certain amount of respect during the early years of my career when a certain amount of sacrifices were made that brought me forward in life. However, it stopped and decreased. Career wise too as I've chosen to constantly compare the good life of others with the effort I've done and figured out that I've should have led an easy life. I forgot to hold on to the words that kept me going at that time - to work it all out when I still can.
I too believe in life, when I really want a thing or aim of achieving something, eventually I would achieve it. I wanted to have a family before I reach 30 even though financially I am always unsound enough to even support myself but now I have Lira & Dhea. When I was little, I wanted to become an architect, it is what I am now. When I started working, it was hectic and along the way and in a way, it killed the enthusiasm I had for this profession. Though at times I've professed how I wanted to be other than an architect, it is a big lie if I were to say there is no spark of interest in practicing architecture - the least is for my personal satisfaction.
When I opted for an easy life, it led me to where I am now. Though it's not like an easy life as being lazy, actually what I do really want is to spend more time with my family. As I say, eventually I'll achieve it but at a certain price. I forgot that I need to earn that easy life, therefore I'm paying for it now - with little paychecks compare to what I'm deserving. In a long run, it affects us. Limited resources making both of us have to work and putting Dhea in not the most favorable environment to grow up. I opted a life that's in favor to me, but not the best for everybody especially my family.
I am currently reading a book about the life of the late Datuk Ibrahim Hussein. It fascinates me. There was a time in his life that he thought how life is so unpredictable at every major turning point in his life. According to what I understand, he lived through it and with the unpredictability (or maybe chaotic?) of the life might be, it somehow fell well into its places as if actually the universe has perfectly planned for his life.
My life has been chaotic and unpredictable far from what I've dreamt as a little boy with big ambitions and though I've been disheartened and discouraged to what life can offer me, getting to know the story of the late IB and his journey in life makes me picking up the sword again. Well at least, I'm holding it. Again. World, let it come to me.
Hopefully the universe has a plan revolving around this one tiny human.
-update on 23rd of July, after Friday prayer
Today's Friday prayer sermon delivered a topic on 'Suratan Hidup' or Life's Fate. Indeed everyone's life has been planned by Allah. What hits me is why the topic after what I've written yesterday. Falling into places?
Life is great.
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